he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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