Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
