did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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