Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
