Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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