Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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