There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
