That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
