My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
