You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
