Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize