Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
