He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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