the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
