you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
