Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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