you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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