he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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