Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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