how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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