those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize