i barfeds in our rink
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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