i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The adults are the big ones right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
