It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
