doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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