no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
