I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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