There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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