So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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