Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
