the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
