I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
