...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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