she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
