What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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