best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
