My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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