My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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