I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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