So drunk its hurt
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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