Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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