GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
