What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
