Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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