Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
