my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
