i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
