We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
