Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm having to shit out rocks
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