He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
