I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
