Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my shit smells like andre
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
