we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
