also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
