I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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