and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
